When you left me, you took every bit of will to move on in my body with you. Ever since that day in october, I've been nothing but nostalgic. I've gathered my things and crawled into a deep dark hole that I don't plan on venturing out of anytime soon. I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm not asking for pity, I'm just stating the obvious. I don't like any of my friends anymore, I don't like strangers anymore. Any boy I see I do not wish to meet or understand or feel comfortable around. My happiness is gone, my energy is drained, my wit is fading, my drive is decelerating. I wish sometimes that you'd come back and lay in my bed, so I could sleep sound again, curled close to your body, inhaling you're familiar scent, feeling your comforting warmth. Other times I wish you'd disappear. At times I'd wish I never met you, that you were simply one of my imaginary creatures I had concocted in my head.
Why'd you do this to me of all people?
Why am I even asking this still?
I do not love you anymore, but you fit the mold, you made me function.
If you could just give me whatever that was and go your separate way I'd be content. No misery would find it's way into my hollow heart.
God, it feels nice to vent, even if it is to my keyboard.
What is this sadness? It's a new emptiness I haven't felt yet.
I've seen the "curl up on the bottom of your shower and stare at the drain until you forget who you are"
I've seen the "cry into your pillow until you throw up in the black trashcan next to you"
I've seen the "can't cry anymore because you took that all away from me"
but this new pain, this complete apathy, complete emptiness, complete lack of will...
I want it gone.
I want to love my friends again.
I want to be excited for tomorrow and today.
This is all your fault.
And you don't even know.
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