when you close yours

it's been almost a year since
a year since I so foolishly uttered that damn word from my mouth...


and meant it.


But suddenly, you've squirmed into my life again.
After such a long time, such a very long lonesome time,
you came back.


Impeccable timing I might add.
Not only do I find a relationship to already be had and other
...options, might I say...
but you bare news that rips me to shreds.



Don't leave.
I beg of you, don't go.



You'd be so far.
Too far to hold me til 4 in the morning
to braid my hair til 4 in the morning
to circle the dimples in my shoulders til 4 in the morning

There would be no more star gazing with interlocked fingers
no more whispering in my ear
no more play fights
no more playing with my hair til I fall asleep
no more meaningful kisses on my cheeks, my forehead, my earlobes

I wouldn't open my eyes to you tracing my jaw line
I wouldn't open my eyes to your familiar shadowy eyes
I wouldn't open my eyes to a boy who protects me from anything




And with all these realizations, I can only say
If you must go, go.
But please, see my eyes when you close yours.




My most surreal fear just may be coming true.
I think I fell in love with you.